Hey there, my wonderful and lovely reader, who I’ve ignored for the better part of 4 months! How are you? Now, here’s the part where I give a really good explanation about why I was absent, like I had amnesia or got abducted by aliens. But the actual answer is much more simpler : I’m a Jerk. Don’t worry, this attitude is very well reflected in my personal life as well, with a set of warped priorities.
For example, right now, I’m supposed to be studying for my important university exam tomorrow. But here I am, writing obscure articles on my blog since my brain would rather do anything else than study for the exam I’m supposed to. My personal excuse is, I’m starting my new year resolution-creating analysis about a month early.
I try to be a nice person upfront, I really do. But after 20 years of trying and nearly failing, I don’t really think I’m that good at it. I used to steal my baby brother’s milk and beat him up when we were toddlers and pick fights with girls all through middle school. I was a pint-sized piece of work. Things mellowed out a quite a bit when I was in high school. There, I became the withdrawn social recluse you see today.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a shy person, I’m a creepy person, well usually THE creepy person in any given room. I have zero problems with crowds, working with groups or making friends, all that professional stuff, but try forcing me into a personal situation, things generally go downhill.
I’m the patron saint of JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out for ye old skoolers) I check my social media feeds so erratically that I usually see them days to weeks after I’m supposed to. While I completely blame Uranus, the guiding star of my sun sign, described as ‘eccentric’, to be the cause of all my troubles, right now, I’ll give up the BS. A bunch of large nuclear balls of fire in a particular alignment relative to earth 20 years ago doesn’t affects my personality or life in any way. The responsibility of my actions are mine and mine alone.
On a personal front, this year has been terrible. I had a fight with my best friend which I see no resolution to in the near future. I found a great guy, nice and funny according to his Facebook feed on whom my experiment of human social interaction failed miserably. If you’re reading this, which I highly doubt, I’m sorry for your unfortunate experience.
If you think any of the above things have made me a sad, depressed person, you couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure, I’m not active social participant, but I have an array of other interesting hobbies which fill up my time. I read historical biographies and books about war. I’m fairly up to date with the important news headlines around the world. I’m now a contributor to the new Fedora Community Operations initiative and my free time is generally spent on personal projects. And my professional life has been great so far, so I’m not really complaining.
I see too many people who going on and on about how they are lonely and sad and how they wish they could change themselves and become better. Well guess what? You were made by your own choices. Nobody else can or will put in the effort to make you better unless you can do it yourself.
So here I am, ready to admit that I fail at personal situations and excel at saying inappropriate comments that make people uncomfortable. I am admitting my flaws to myself and the world, as the first step, in what is, hopefully, my road to recovery. I look forward to posting in the future about milestones on how much I’ve improved on this. But right now, this seems good enough. Time to get back to that university exam for tomorrow.
Cute n Crazy Indie 